Just got back from see Opeth in concert at Roseland. The show was amazing. The place was really packed with metalheads. Most of them were young enough to be my offspring. Oh well, there were a few other oldy goldies there. I realized somewhere a few years ago that I have become "that old person" that shows up at concerts. Well, my roots will always be in metal music and though I have a huge range of music interests I don't think any could be more ingrained in me. So, yeah, I am an old metalhead and proud of it.
The crowd was really energetic and there was a good size pit going on for most of the show. I hung up my moshing shoes several years ago. I was really happy sitting with my love up on the balcony. Great view. Great show. The Roseland is my favorite venue in Portland. Oh, and the good news is they said they were coming back on tour here in the Fall to promote their new album. I would love to see them again.
I totally wish I could do the death metal vocal growl. I really love the way Opeth's singer's voice sounds. It is really interesting to hear him sing something really melodic and flowing then the next second he is full on demonic growling like a metal jackel.
I got to hear one of the opening bands called Three for the first time tonight. They were very talented and entertaining. I want to look at them closer.
Speaking of jackels I am almost positive I saw a coyote tonight sneaking around a neighborhood near Olsen road. I am pretty sure he was setting up some sort of Acme gadget to catch unsuspecting suburbanites.

I was in the food court at the mall today and just after ordering a soft drink I dropped the darn thing and make a huge mess. A couple of teenagers were right next to me and they started giggling at the clumsy old lady aka me. Like 2 seconds later one of the kids cell phone literally flew out of his hand and landed right in the middle of the puddle of soda I had just made. The look on his face was priceless. I had a pretty good laugh about that.

This astronomy class I am taking is amazingly fun and mind-blowing. Every time I contemplate space and our universe I reach a point where I just feel dizzy and frankly, near the edge of insanity. Many of the things we are learning about I can totally understand in theory but I can't quite get my mind wrapped around them as a reality. The vastness of our universe is overwhelming to me. It just makes everything that happens here on Earth seem so insignificant in the big picture.
I really have to be a bit careful when I get into these things because some of it pulls my mind apart. Last time I got deeply involved in astronomy this happened. When I get my mind so far up in the clouds I find it hard to relate to terrestrial matters. Like I mentioned, everything seems so insignificant here.
One thing that I am really contemplating tonight is the existence of dark matter and just what it may be. If this matter has a totally different limits of physics than we do then it goes to figure our realities would be very different. I can almost find myself believing that this might relate to the spirit realm. I think that many scientists now agree that this dark matter exists but if something is beyond our laws of physics does it really "exist" in any sense that we could understand.
Just a few things I am thinking about tonight.

Get Your Monster Name

Yeah, that sounds about right

You're feeling: tipsy
To your left: printer
On your mind: astronoomy
Last meal included: wheat bread
You sometimes find it hard to: carry on
The weather: cool
Something you have a collection of: tarot cards
A smell that cheers you up: Cinnamon
A smell that can ruin your mood: BO
How long since you last shaved (legs for gals): 2 days
The current state of your hair: curly
The largest item on your desk/workspace: computer monitor
Your skill with chopsticks: amateur
Which section you head for first in a bookstore: New Age
Something you're craving: not really anything right now
Your general thoughts on the presidential race: scattered
How many times have you been hospitalized this year: none
Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: the woods
You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: Stripper (20 years ago haha)
Something that freaks you out a little: wasp
Something you've eaten too much of lately: chocolate
You have never: Had exactly what I wanted
You never want to: Have children
Where is your cell phone? desk
Your significant other? my best friend
Your hair? long
Your mother? a little mean
Your father? disapproving
Your favorite thing? sitting by a fire outdoors
Your dream last night? I don't remember
Your favorite drink? diet coke
Your dream/goal? To have a home of my own
The room you're in? office
Your ex? History
Your fear? being alone
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Where I am now, Portland, Oregon
Where were you last night? Astronomy class
What you're not? Carefree
Muffins? Uh...yes, please?
One of your wish list items? A new telescope
Where you grew up? south Mississippi
The last thing you did? open a bottle of wine
What are you wearing? A really groovy shirt that looks like something Jimmy Hendrix would wear
Your TV? Stays off a lot
Your pets? Are one of the best things in life
Your computer? well, its right here
Your life? challenging
Your mood? fair
Missing someone? yes
Your car? Saturn
Something you're not wearing? Hat
Favorite store? Powell's books
Your summer? Hated. I love cold weather
Like someone? Hmmm..huh?
Your favorite color? Green
When is the last time you laughed? today
Last time you cried? Last week

Recently in the news appeared a couple of stories about children that
have died because their parents chose to rely on prayer to heal them
rather than take them to the doctor. It sounded like antibiotics could
have saved at least one of them. I think the other child was a diabetic
and was only receiving prayer as a treatment. I really have mixed
feelings about this. My first reaction is to say that the parents were
neglectful to withhold medical care for their kids. It pains me to think
their lives could have probably been saved if their parents
didn't rely on faith alone to heal them.

I got to thinking how I would feel differently if say it were a Native American couple that chose their tribes medicine man over conventional medicine. Now that seems ok to me. I am trying to figure out why I feel differently about those situations. I am still trying to settle this in my mind. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this issue.

If someone is an adult and they
refuse all conventional health care in favor of prayer then I don't have
a problem with that at all. I am a big believer in each choosing their own
path and following their will.

I do believe that most prayer is a simple form of magick. Whether you are
praying to Odin, Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster it is my belief
that the "answering of prayers" is simply a matter of change taking
place according to ones will. Things *can* be changed according to
ones will. So if they have faith that healing will come with prayer then
so be it. Possibly if they pray they can bring forth a change according
to their will. Their child may be healed.

I guess the main problem I have is that a child doesn't have a choice
as long as they are a minor. Maybe their will would lead them to go to a
doctor were they of the age of understanding. Does parental right suggest
ownership to decide every thing to do with the child? When does freedom
of choice cross the line to neglect? Now I know conventional medicine
has flaws. It isn't perfect by any means but it can and does save
millions of lives. I am such a believer in free will though that
I can't exactly say they should have been forced to take their child to
a doc. In general it seems anytime anyone is forced to do something "for their own good" it's usually a bad idea.I am having a tough time sorting out exactly what I think about
this issue.

In my experience most of the results I have gotten through prayer/
magick are not of the automatic and drastic nature. Most of the results
are subtle or seem merely coincidental. Also any change generally
requires a lot of work on my end. For instance if I wanted to get a job
I wouldn't just pray for results and then sit on my ass. Of course I
would have to send out resumes, go on interviews and such. I think what
I am saying is I don't believe you can just pray for something or
perform magick and expect to get results if you don't put forth as much
effort as you can to get those results.
This issue reminds me of an old story.

Once there was a man that lived in a house beside the river. One day
there came a torrential downpour of rain that soaked the ground and fed
the river until it threatened to overflow it's banks. As the man sat out
on his porch his neighbors came by in their truck and asked if he wanted
a ride to higher ground. His reply, "no thank you. My faith is strong.
My God will protect me and I know I will be ok". Soon the river left
it's banks and began flowing down the streets. The local police force
sent out boats to rescue those that were stranded. When they reached the
old man and offered him help. He simply replied "no thank you. My
faith is strong and I don't doubt I will be ok" Finally the whole town
was flooded included the man's house. As he took refuge on this rooftop
the National Guard sent in helicopters to rescue the remaining victims.
Again the man refused all assistance. "no thank you" he said "my faith
in God is strong. He will protect me and I know I will be ok" Shortly
afterwards the waters rose to their highest level and the man was swept
away and drowned in the flood. When he arrived in heaven the first
question he had when he reached God was "why didn't you help me? I had
such strong faith that I would be ok. You ignored my prayers". Smiling,
God said "I sent you a truck, a boat and a helicopter. What else did you
want?"

I really hate it when I see people refer to their boyfriend as "the boy". I also see phrases like."Boy is supposed to be coming over tonight". Wtf is that supposed to mean that you refer to your boyfriend as an object or something. It makes me cringe every time. I think the only time "The" should be included in a name is like if they are "the Budda" or "Andre the Giant" or something.
The term DH (darling husband)kinda grates on me too. Now I like using cute names for my Bf in our own private life but for some reason DH bugs me.
Now sometimes I feel odd using the word "boyfriend". It sounds so junior high to me. It just feels weird to me but I used it a lot because I don't know what else to use. Significant other..maybe, but that sounds so nebulous. I think the word partner fits rather well but it sounds a bit impersonal to me. I wish I could think of a word that would mean, "opposite sex person that you are in long term relationship with" that didn't rub me the wrong way.

Dear Breeders,
Would it be possible for you to teach your fucking hell spawns some basic manners? Believe it or not not everyone appreciates the shrill screams and demonic vocalizations coming from your crotch fruit. I tried to go down to the OMSI parking lot tonight to enjoy the eclipse but because your let your damn kids run wild like a bunch of howler monkeys all I could think of was getting home as fast as I could so I could sew my vagina up. I almost took out a few of them in the parking lot because you let them run around through the parking lots unattended. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Please keep an eye on your kids. I am grateful your kids are interested in science and astronomy and kudos to you for bringing them out to witness the wonder and awe of an eclipse. In fact it was probably a good idea because if you keep having kids at this rate there won't be many more beautiful eclipses for them to enjoy. No love to you and yours for letting them ruin my night just because somehow giving birth has altered your brain to think everyone enjoys your kids as much as you. And yeah, I am a bitter old witch that doesn't like kids in the first place but I could tolerate them a lot more if you would keep a leash on them or something.
In all sincerity,
your forever childless fellow Portlander

I finally got a chance to go see Sweeney Todd last night. What a brilliant film! It was Tim Burton goodness at its best. It seems that Tim Burton teamed with Johnny Depp never fails to deliver. It was really a dark story and rather graphic at times. One thing I really liked was the whole movie was stylized to be all shades of gray, dark blues and black, very muted with one exception. There was blood red and lots of it. The shock of the redness was intensified by the contrast of the blacks and grays. It is not exactly a movie that leaves you feeling good. It has a very tragic side but I would
highly recommended it. Great flick!